Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Watching the Calendar


TIME GOES BY SO SLOW!

In the last week, I found out that my obsession on IVF is normal, yay!

I also found it awesome to have a connection with another female going through the same thing.

From her I learned, or rather I confirmed, that I HAVE to loose weight.

I'm banking on this working the first time, so far our chances for that look good - except for my extra weight (my RE didn't seem concerned about it, but I am). So it needs to go away! I have nothing better to do over the next 2 months while I'm not on medications yet. If it makes our chance of success higher, then I will be at the gym everyday and count every calorie!

Yesterday was good - I had oatmeal for breakfast, an apple for a snack, cereal for lunch, and a chicken salad for dinner. I think I can cut more carbs out as the week goes on. I made it to the gym and did 30 minutes of cardio. I hope I can keep this up for another 8 weeks!

I went to Trader Joe's yesterday to get Flax Seed (this always helps me eat less, I put it on almost everything!), while I was there I finally picked up my prenatal vitamins that the doctor suggested. I walked up the the counter and the very nice lady looked at me, then she said, in friendly conversation "Are these for you?" I said "Yes", then she said "Congratulations" with a big smile. I realized that I was smiling but I couldn't really keep eye contact with her when I responded about how I'm not pregnant and my doctor said to start taking them while I am trying. I was-I am excited about starting my vitamins, it feels good to be starting this process, but I found myself stumbling over an answer in my head. I should have just said that I am starting a fertility treatment, but by the time the right words formed I was already walking out.....feeling a little awkward. I realized too, that I looked like a hag with my gym clothes on and my hair a mess from sweat and ikyness.

As my mind was racing through words, she went on to be excited for me, and said something like "I thought you didn't look pregnant" She wished me luck and said something about following my process. She was nice. Its just so odd to me that I was awkward. Was it because I was focused on why she hesitated to ask me if they were for me? Did she think I was too old? Why am I worried about what she thinks of my age? I'm overweight so how could she tell for sure that I "didn't look pregnant"? I'm sure she was being friendly, and she hesitated because you probably should not ask a stranger if she is pregnant unless you are positive by the baby bump, lol. My head is filled with it's own worries.

I am a classic over thinker!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Im crazy/obsessed - lol

Mental issues: I'm obsessed! I spend every free moment reading other peoples IVF stories, I watch videos and I read and re-read all the information I can possibly find. I feel like I want to know EVERYTHING! I feel so crazy and anxious. Well one good thing is that from all the forums and blogs I've read - This crazy/obsessed feeling is totally normal! (Thanks Internet ghost friends for helping me feel a little better, lol) One thing I am learning the most is that each story is different. IVF might be one big thing that is almost a regular thing to do now, but there are so many factors involved that getting statistics is hard. Between medical issues, medical history, age, weight, sperm function, egg function, family history, and the miracle of life itself its hard to look at others for advice on what might happen in mine or any one's situation. My advice to anyone in our shoes is: Knowledge is power and read all the sucess stories you can find (they will make you feel good inside!)

I also realized this weekend that I battle with another overwhelming emotion: Do I tell everyone or not? As I was sitting with a group of friends, I want to just tell them all about this whole thing, I want to share with them that we could be expecting a baby soon, that we are trying! However with IVF chances being at about 70-40% for us, I think that I shouldn't be blabbing about it. It could be sad for those who are happy for us, and it could be hard on us if it doesn't work and everyone knows that it failed. I'm just so excited (well and obsessed now) that its really all I want to talk about.

My nurse called today and all our blood work and results are back. She said that everything with me and hubby look good for us to continue forward.

She said to call her when my period starts - Ohhh no, here we go again. ALL my life my period has been out of whack. Then this year I have been almost having normal cycles. It started on July 4th and continued in August, September, October, and November. I didn't have one in December but then the very last of that month one started. Now here I am again having to wait for another one. So will one start in February?? The nurse said if I don't start by the 1st week to call her and they will give me meds to make one start so they can do more blood work while I am ovulating.

I'm watching my calendar so intensely - it has to be un-normal. This is the obsessive part where I am counting months and days and figuring out how many ovulation cycles they could possibly track before my scheduled IVF in April. April its so FAR away - wait, its actually only 3 months away. Oh 3 months is so close and so far away at the same time!

OOOOHHHH! Much EXCITEMENT! The nurse did tell me that she would be making a complete calendar at the end of this month and send it to me. This calendar will be a map of the next 3 months to tell us when we take meds, have ultrasounds, egg retrieval, implantation AND pregnancy tests. Just to hear her say pregnancy tests made my heart skip a beat. Actually Ive read all about these things, I know the order everything happens in, but to hear her say all that in reference to OUR schedule made me want to go out and scream happiness to the world!!!

Crazy me will be at the mail box every day the last week of this month and 1st of next month .... waiting....waiting.....waiting for OUR personal IVF schedule!!! WOOO HOOO!!  (If you know me, you know I HATE the mail, I NEVER check it! LOL)

So for January, I have a pap smear scheduled with my wonderful doctor who referred me to my RE. I guess in February is when they will be scheduling my trial transfer to make sure they can implant the eggs with ease.

Its so exciting!